I am a victim of a school system

Oh yes, unfortunately I am and I realised it only after researching the home education idea which made me more conscious of certain things. I’ve always known that something was wrong but I thought it might have been me. Now I know that it was the system that has failed me.

Choices for the future

After 8 years long primary school at the age of 15 I was advised by my teachers I should continue my education in a grammar school as this was supposed to be the best place for someone who wanted to go to University later on. It was unthinkable to let a top student go to a vocational school and become a hairdresser, a dressmaker, a chef etc. No way! It would be a shame! (From today’s perspective I wouldn’t mind being able to sew clothes for my own and others’ benefit.)  So I found myself in a grammar school studying a little bit of everything as this was supposed to be 4 years transition to the University. I was told if I wanted to go to University (and that have been also decided for me, that I HAD to go) I should be in a waiting room called the grammar school which was there to produce just good A –levels  but no specific  profession. If it happened that you didn’t go to Uni after that, it meant you’d wasted your time attending grammar school. And that’s almost exactly what has happened to me.

Choosing a Uni course

After my A – levels I went to University (like everyone wanted me to) for a course I felt most confident about but not 100% sure that I really wanted to work in this field in the future. I was good at English so I went to study English philology with Mediterranean tourism as a bonus. So I could become either an English teacher or work in a tourism industry. After I completed my first year with good results as well, I decided to take a yearlong break and to live and study what I was really interested in at that time – Italian language. I went to Italy as an au pair (babysitter) and during that year I’ve learned to read and speak fluent Italian and I did it on my own, as in the small city where I was staying they had no course that would match my level. I’ve learned it through listening to people, watching Italian TV and eventually reading books. All that in one year only! I couldn’t believe how natural was the process of learning. I was amazed and very proud of myself. And again this is a proof that when you are interested in something you learn it fast.

After that year I came back to Poland but never returned to study my English course which I realised I didn’t enjoy that much in the end. If only they had an Italian philology in my town probably I would enroll to the course at the time (just for the sake of doing something though and not to build my dreams). But they didn’t so I decided to try again with tourism and I completed only 1 semester with great results but again I thought I didn’t really want to work in this field (or maybe I wanted but there were some subjects that would make me confused and would slow me down with unrelated stuff.) In fact, I’ve never really discovered my passions and a path of career that I would feel comfortable to follow. 

Emigration, first job and a last attempts to study

I emigrated to the UK fed up with all ‘learning for nothing’ stuff and I wanted to try to work for a while and see how that would go. I’ve worked as a waitress in a restaurant (jahiliya times, before I started to practice Islam) and earned my first money, Alhamdulillah. I still felt the pressure though to go back to studying and get masters in anything... So I decided to try once again and enrolled for an Italian philology course in a well known University in Poland, Jagiellonian University in Cracow, still living and working in England and going to Poland only for exams. I went for one and failed it as I was expecting to happen anyway due to lack of time and motivation to study and that-was-it. 

I got married in a meantime and have done Level 2 course in education to potentially become a teaching assistant which I’ve never become either :) and here I am with no masters, no bachelor, no profession... 

Look at me, I am a victim of a school system, take a good look, that is what happens when you cannot do whatever you like doing, whatever you are interested in and you are pushed into studying whatever just for the sake of studying. It is very sad and I don’t want my kids to experience the same thing. I want them to accomplish something, not anything, but something that would make them happy even if they were to become cleaners, shop assistants or anything that others see as degrading or meaningless jobs. I want them to be happy, to enjoy whatever they choose to do, to be confident and not to fall into a trap of being pressurised by people like I’ve always been.

I think I would like to have my own B&B in a beautiful place run with passion of giving people some good memories...

Too late...

Now my home is my “B&B” when I invite family and friends and try to make their stay enjoyable creating good memories for them. It’s not the same but at least a sample of my dream that’s never come true...

In addition to that confusion school has killed my will to learn!

As I mentioned before, learning is a joyful process of exploring unless it’s forced upon you. I think most of the children are excited to go to school as it is a new interesting experience and they feel more mature. Whoever goes to school becomes a big boy or a big girl. I remember I was looking forward to starting school, to having my own desk at home like a big girl :)  I was a rather average pupil or maybe even a little beyond average but was degraded to average. It’s hard to describe my level as during 8 years of primary school I was recognised by my teachers as one of the top students, with outstanding grades but I think I was just average who was clever enough to cope. Many times I used “shortcuts” and cheated to get a better grade. After all they made me believe it was all about good grades and not about learning for myself. It was only in grammar school that I stopped worrying about grades and tried to really learn something but it was presented so fast and in such a boring way that those years I spent just surviving, enjoying only foreign languages lessons.

I must admit I enjoyed maths even if I wasn’t the best in it. I was intrigued by its logic. However I’ve never really had time to get more involved in maths and possibly discover a passion for it. I also enjoyed geography as it made me dream about traveling the world and appreciating nature and different cultures firsthand. However my first geography teacher was so strict that it was at the age of 10 when I first made up a headache story to avoid attending her lesson and to go home early. I was terrified informing her about it as I couldn’t predict her reaction. She must have liked me as she let me go and everyone else envied me :)

So the dream to have my own homely and cosy B&B could have come true as the recipe or formula for it was there: maths and its logical thinking + geography + traveling + foreign languages. Only if I wasn’t discouraged, made confused, only if I didn’t waste time on studying subjects I was not interested in at all. And to run a “B&B” do you really need a degree? Instead of wasting time on studying things I didn’t like I could have been working supposedly in a “degrading” but enjoyable profession and saving up for my dream simple life.

  

However, everything is from the Qadar of Allah (a predestination) so this is what was written for me for a reason. Now I need to learn a lesson from it and try to give my kids a better start in sha Allah (God willing).

I’m still recovering after almost 20 years in the educational system.

Writing about it, sharing my experiences is a form of therapy for me.

(The Ministry of Education should pay me a compensation for all damage they caused me, what do you think?) :D

PS. Now think, have you managed to get your master degree? Was it out of passion or was it an accomplishment just for the sake of accomplishment and you don’t even work in your profession? How many of us end up like that? Or how often our passions are not even related to what we’ve been studying? What do you want for your own children? 

Something to ponder upon...

Dlaczego edukuje w domu?

Nie pamietam wlasciwie kiedy ten pomysl pojawil sie w mojej glowie. Mysle, ze to, ze moj syn nie zaadoptowal sie w przedszkolu mialo na to ogromny wplyw. Kiedy mial 3,5 roku zdecydowalam sie poslac go do przedszkola na 3 godziny dziennie. Przedszkole znajdowalo sie blisko i bylo islamskie jak chcialam. Mialam nadzieje dac mu mozliwosc socjalizacji z innymi dziecmi a nie tylko z jego 2 mlodszymi siostrami w domu. Przez ponad dwa miesiace stal przy drzwiach przez cale trzy godziny czekajac na mnie. Nie chodzil na srodek sali, az pewnego dnia panie przedszkolanki postanowily wziac go tam sila. Poszedl i siadal gdzie mu powiedzialy, ale nadal nie wchodzil w realcje z innymi. Nie odzywal sie do dzieci ani do nauczycieli. Komunikowal sie jedynie za pomoca skiniecia glowa na tak i na nie. I bylo tak od wrzesnia do lutego (!) W koncu powiedzialam dosc. Dlaczego mam powodowac u niego traume w tych najmlodszych latach tylko ze wzgledu na (wymuszona) socjalizacje? My, jego rodzice, jestesmy w domu, jego 2 siostry sa w domu, wiec dlaczego on ma byc na “zeslaniu”? Co on musial o tym wszystkim myslec? Jak musial sie czuc? Niechciany, zepchniety na bok?...

Te dni juz sie skonczyly alhamdulillah i one pchenly mnie w strone edukacji domowej. Zaczelam szukac informacji na ten temat, konsultowac sie z innymi mamami nauczajacymi w domu i myslec myslec myslec... az doszlam do wniosku, ze to jest najlepsze rozwiazanie dla mojej rodziny i to jest to czego chce nie tylko dla mojego syna, ale tez dla pozostalych moich dzieci.

Poczucie odpowiedzialnosci za swoje dzieci

Prawdopodobnie jest to najwazniejszy powod, dla ktorego zdecydowalam sie wybrac ta sciezke edukacji. Czuje, ze jest to naturalna sciezka tak jak tych kilka pierwszych lat zycia, kiedy dziecko dorasta i uczy sie w domu, z tym ze ja chce to wydluzyc :) Kto powiedzial, ze dziecko MUSI isc do szkoly? Uczenie sie w domu jest legalna opcja i ja tylko korzystam z tego wyboru. Czuje sie odpowiedzialna za swoje dzieci do tego stopnia, ze chce byc ich glownym autorytetem, nauczycielem, pomocnikiem w nauce i przyjacielem. Chce wziac cala odpowiedzialnosc na siebie zamiast oddawac ja obcym, ktorych wartosci nie sa mi znane. I to nie jest tak, ze ja chce byc JEDYNYM, ale GLOWNYM edukatorem i osoba, ktorej moga zaufac, u ktorej szukac beda akceptacji i pocieszenia. Chce zawsze byc gotowa ich wysluchac, nie tak jak nauczyciel, ktory musi podzielac swoja uwage wielu dzieciom. Czuje, ze odpowiedzialnosc za pomoc moim dzieciom w nauce spoczywa na mnie a nie na szkole czy rzadzie.

Czy to dlatego, ze jestesmy religijni?

Czesto ludzie mysla, ze ludzie religijni (glownie praktykujacy chrzescijanie i muzulmanie) chca nauczac w domu, zeby odizolowac swoje dzieci od niemoralnosci swiata zewnetrznego. Jest w tym sporo prawdy i moze dla niektorych rodzin jest to glowny powod, by wybrac edukacje domowa. (Moim jest ten wspomniany wyzej o odpowiedzialnosci, choc sa one ze soba powiazane.) Jednak wszyscy wiemy, ze kompletnie niemozliwym jest calkowite odizolowanie dzieci od wszelkiego zla tego swiata, chyba ze zamkniemy je w pokoju bez telewizora, internetu i telefonu :) Tu chodzi o zminimalizowanie zlych wplywow srodowiska. To jak przeprowadzka z miasta na wies, zeby nie byc bombardowanym za duza iloscia bodzcow i wiesc spokojniejsze zycie. (Czy podoba sie Wam to porownanie? :) wlasnie przyszlo mi  na mysl.)

W tych czasach szkoly ucza roznych wartosci, niekoniecznie w zgodzie ze slowem Boga. I my, swiadomi muzulmanie a takze chrzescijanie dostrzegamy to bardzo wyraznie. Tak, sa dostepne dobre szkoly wyznaniowe, ale znowu odpowiedzialnosc za moje dzieci wygrywa. Albo po prostu zaoszczedzamy czas na korzysc calej rodziny, relacje miedzy rodzicami i dziecmi oraz miedzy rodzenstwem sa pielegnowane i budowane sa silniejsze wiezi. Poza tym, nie wszystkie dzieci sa aniolkami, nawet jesli sa w szkole wyznaniowej :) a ja osobiscie chce unikac wszelkiego rodzaju bullyingu (dokuczania, wysmiewania).

Kazde dziecko jest inne i uczy sie inaczej

Przeczytalam gdzies, ze szkola jest dla sredniakow. Slabsi maja trudnosci i sa pod presja doganiania tych lepszych a z kolei ci powyzej sredniej sa znudzeni i ich zapal do nauki jest gaszony. Edukowanie w domu daje mi mozliwosc indywidualnego podejscia do kazdego dziecka, pomagajac im uczyc sie w sposob najbardziej efektywny, poniewaz dostosowany do ich mozliwosci. Ja znam moje dzieci lepiej niz ktokolwiek inny. Wiem co potrafia i moge im dac tyle czasu ile potrzebuja na nabycie nowej umiejetnosci czy na nauke jakiegos tematu.

Szkola zabija chec do nauki – takze z wlasnego doswiadczenia

Nie chcialabym za duzo o tym tutaj pisac, bo juz planuje rozwinac ten temat w osobnym wpisie. Chcialam tylko to wyszczegolnic, poniewaz jest to tez jeden z wielu powodow, dla ktorych wole uczyc moje dzieci w domu.

Ktos powiedzial, ze dzieci ucza sie szybko, sa ciekawe swiata i kreatywne do czasu... az pojda do szkoly. Dla wielu dzieci jest to koniec radosnego odkrywania. Przestaja byc zadne nauki z tego prostego faktu, ze teraz staje sie to musem, sa pod presja, by podazac za programem nauczania i musza dostosowac sie do tempa nauczycieli, ktorzy rowniez sa pod presja realizacji programu nauczania. A wiec wszyscy sa pod presja, goniac czas i wiekszosci tak na prawde nie sprawia to przyjemnosci. Jesli robisz cos z wlasnej woli uczysz sie naturalnie i szybciej, ale jesli ktos zmusza cie do zrobienia czegos, czesto konczy sie tym, ze zaczynasz tej rzeczy nienawidziec. W latach szkolnych sama zaczelam czuc frustracje i nienawidziec tego, co normalnie powinno mi  bylo sprawiac przyjemnosc. Do dzis szukam informacji tylko o tym, co mnie interesuje, ucze sie nowych rzeczy we wlasnym tempie i opieram sie nauce wymuszonej i pod presja.

Korzysci praktyczne

Nie musze wstawac wczesnie rano, by wyszykowac dzieci do szkoly ani prowadzic ich tam i z powrotem bez wzgledu na pogode i samopoczucie.

Mozemy odwiedzac nasza rodzine, znajomych, jezdzic na wycieczki kiedy tylko mamy ochote a nie jedynie w wakacje, ferie czy weekendy, unikajac tlumow, drozszych biletow i oplat za wstep, poniewaz mozemy latac, jezdzic czy zwiedzac poza sezonem, jupi! :)

Jesli jestes tu jeszcze to znaczy, ze przeczytales wszystkie moje przemyslenia i prawdopodobnie byly one interesujace, skoro dotarles do konca.

Dziekuje :)

PS. Musze powiedziec, ze nie za bardzo podoba mi sie tytul tego wpisu. Brzmi jakbysmy  byli zamknieci caly czas w domu. Nie ucze tylko w domu, ale tez na zewnatrz, w ogrodzie, w parku, w miescie, na wycieczce, w zasadzie wszedzie :) Czulam, ze musze to wyraznie podkreslic.

Why do I educate at home?

I don’t exactly remember how it all started to grow in my head. I think my son’s non adapting to the nursery had a great impact on me. When he was 3¹/₂ I decided to send him to a nursery for 3h a day. The nursery was close by and it was islamic how I preferred. I hoped  to give him an opportunity to socialise with other kids and not only with his 2 younger sisters at home. For more than a month he used to stay by the door for entire 3h waiting for me. He wouldn’t move to the centre of the room until one day the teachers decided to take him there by force. He went and would sit wherever they told him but still wouldn’t interact with anyone. He wasn’t talking to the kids nor to the teachers. His only interaction was nodding his head to say yes and no. And this lasted from September till February (!) I said enough is enough. Why should I cause him a trauma in his early years just for the sake of a (forced) socialisation? We, his parents, are at home, his 2 sisters are at home so why he needs to be “exiled”? What he must have thought about all this? How he must have felt? Unwanted? Pushed aside?...

Those days are finished alhamdulillah and they pushed me towards home education. I started researching, consulting other home educating mothers and thinking thinking thinking... until I came to a strong conclusion that this is the best for my family and this is what I want not only for my son but for all of my children.

Feeling responsible as a parent

Probably it is the most important factor for me in deciding to choose this path of education. I feel this is a natural path like those first couple of years when the child grows and learns at home, it’s just that I choose to prolong it :) Who said the child NEEDS to go to school? Learning at home is a legal option and I am just taking advantage of this choice. I feel responsible for my own children to the point I want to be their main authority, teacher, facilitator, friend. I want to take that responsibility on myself instead of giving it away to strangers whose values are not known to me. And it is not that I want to be the ONLY but THE MAIN educator and the person whom they may trust and seek acceptance and consolation from. I want to be always there for them unlike a school teacher who needs to be there for many children at the time. I feel the responsibility of helping my kids to learn is mine and not the school’s or the government’s.

Is it because we are religious?

Often people believe that religious people (mainly practising christians or muslims) want to home educate to isolate the kids from an outside world of immorality. There is some truth in it and maybe for some families this is the main reason to educate at home. (Mine is the one mentioned above about responsibility although they're both related.) However we all know that it is completely impossible to isolate your children from all the evil in this world unless you keep them locked in one room without tv, internet and phone :) It is all about minimising the bad influence. It is like moving from the city to the village side not to be bombarded with too many stimulus and lead a more peaceful life. (Do you like this comparison? :) came in my mind just now).

These days schools teach different values not necessarily in compliance with the God’s word. And we, conscious muslims and also Christians can see it very clearly. Yes, there are good faith schools available but again, the responsibility over my children wins. Or simply the time is saved for the benefit of all the family, the relationships between the parents and children and between the sibblings are cherrished and stronger bonds are being formed. Besides not all the children are angels even if they are in a faith school :) and I personally try my best to avoid any kind of bullying.

Every child is different and learns differently

I’ve read somewhere that the school is for children who are average. The weaker ones struggle and are under the pressure to catch up with the better ones and those beyond average are bored and often their light of exploring new things is being extinguished. Educating at home gives me opportunity to approach each child individually, helping them to learn the way it is most effective because it is according to their abilities. I know my children better than anyone else. I know what they are capable of and I can give them as much time as they need to acquire a new skill or to study a certain topic.

School kills the will to learn – also my own experience

I wouldn’t want to write too much in here about it as I’m already planning to share with you a longer story on a similar topic. I just wanted to point it out as this is also one of many reasons why I educate my children at home.

Someone said that kids are fast learners, curious of the world, creative until... they go to school. For many kids this is the end of joyful exploring. They stop being eager to learn because of a simple fact that now it becomes a must, they are under pressure to follow the curriculum and need to adapt to the teachers pace who also are under pressure to execute the curriculum. So everyone is under pressure, chasing time and most don’t really enjoy it. If you do something on your own will you learn naturally and faster, if someone forces you to do something, you often end up hating it. I did start to be frustrated and hating what should be a pleasure for me during my school years. Till today I only research things that I’m interested in, I learn new things on my own pace and I resist forced and under pressure learning.

Practical advantages

I don’t need to get up early in the morning to prepare the kids for school and take them there and back no matter the weather.

We can visit our family, friends, go for trips whenever we feel like it and not only during holidays, half terms or weekends, avoiding crowds or more expensive high season tickets and fees yeay! :)

If you’re here it means you’ve read all my thoughts and it was probably interesting if you lasted till the end.

Thank you:)

PS. I must say I don't really like the title of this post. It sounds like we are locked at home all the time. I don't actually educate only at home but also outside, in the garden, in the park, in town, on a trip, anywhere really :) I felt it was good to clarify this.