I am a victim of a school system

Oh yes, unfortunately I am and I realised it only after researching the home education idea which made me more conscious of certain things. I’ve always known that something was wrong but I thought it might have been me. Now I know that it was the system that has failed me.

Choices for the future

After 8 years long primary school at the age of 15 I was advised by my teachers I should continue my education in a grammar school as this was supposed to be the best place for someone who wanted to go to University later on. It was unthinkable to let a top student go to a vocational school and become a hairdresser, a dressmaker, a chef etc. No way! It would be a shame! (From today’s perspective I wouldn’t mind being able to sew clothes for my own and others’ benefit.)  So I found myself in a grammar school studying a little bit of everything as this was supposed to be 4 years transition to the University. I was told if I wanted to go to University (and that have been also decided for me, that I HAD to go) I should be in a waiting room called the grammar school which was there to produce just good A –levels  but no specific  profession. If it happened that you didn’t go to Uni after that, it meant you’d wasted your time attending grammar school. And that’s almost exactly what has happened to me.

Choosing a Uni course

After my A – levels I went to University (like everyone wanted me to) for a course I felt most confident about but not 100% sure that I really wanted to work in this field in the future. I was good at English so I went to study English philology with Mediterranean tourism as a bonus. So I could become either an English teacher or work in a tourism industry. After I completed my first year with good results as well, I decided to take a yearlong break and to live and study what I was really interested in at that time – Italian language. I went to Italy as an au pair (babysitter) and during that year I’ve learned to read and speak fluent Italian and I did it on my own, as in the small city where I was staying they had no course that would match my level. I’ve learned it through listening to people, watching Italian TV and eventually reading books. All that in one year only! I couldn’t believe how natural was the process of learning. I was amazed and very proud of myself. And again this is a proof that when you are interested in something you learn it fast.

After that year I came back to Poland but never returned to study my English course which I realised I didn’t enjoy that much in the end. If only they had an Italian philology in my town probably I would enroll to the course at the time (just for the sake of doing something though and not to build my dreams). But they didn’t so I decided to try again with tourism and I completed only 1 semester with great results but again I thought I didn’t really want to work in this field (or maybe I wanted but there were some subjects that would make me confused and would slow me down with unrelated stuff.) In fact, I’ve never really discovered my passions and a path of career that I would feel comfortable to follow. 

Emigration, first job and a last attempts to study

I emigrated to the UK fed up with all ‘learning for nothing’ stuff and I wanted to try to work for a while and see how that would go. I’ve worked as a waitress in a restaurant (jahiliya times, before I started to practice Islam) and earned my first money, Alhamdulillah. I still felt the pressure though to go back to studying and get masters in anything... So I decided to try once again and enrolled for an Italian philology course in a well known University in Poland, Jagiellonian University in Cracow, still living and working in England and going to Poland only for exams. I went for one and failed it as I was expecting to happen anyway due to lack of time and motivation to study and that-was-it. 

I got married in a meantime and have done Level 2 course in education to potentially become a teaching assistant which I’ve never become either :) and here I am with no masters, no bachelor, no profession... 

Look at me, I am a victim of a school system, take a good look, that is what happens when you cannot do whatever you like doing, whatever you are interested in and you are pushed into studying whatever just for the sake of studying. It is very sad and I don’t want my kids to experience the same thing. I want them to accomplish something, not anything, but something that would make them happy even if they were to become cleaners, shop assistants or anything that others see as degrading or meaningless jobs. I want them to be happy, to enjoy whatever they choose to do, to be confident and not to fall into a trap of being pressurised by people like I’ve always been.

I think I would like to have my own B&B in a beautiful place run with passion of giving people some good memories...

Too late...

Now my home is my “B&B” when I invite family and friends and try to make their stay enjoyable creating good memories for them. It’s not the same but at least a sample of my dream that’s never come true...

In addition to that confusion school has killed my will to learn!

As I mentioned before, learning is a joyful process of exploring unless it’s forced upon you. I think most of the children are excited to go to school as it is a new interesting experience and they feel more mature. Whoever goes to school becomes a big boy or a big girl. I remember I was looking forward to starting school, to having my own desk at home like a big girl :)  I was a rather average pupil or maybe even a little beyond average but was degraded to average. It’s hard to describe my level as during 8 years of primary school I was recognised by my teachers as one of the top students, with outstanding grades but I think I was just average who was clever enough to cope. Many times I used “shortcuts” and cheated to get a better grade. After all they made me believe it was all about good grades and not about learning for myself. It was only in grammar school that I stopped worrying about grades and tried to really learn something but it was presented so fast and in such a boring way that those years I spent just surviving, enjoying only foreign languages lessons.

I must admit I enjoyed maths even if I wasn’t the best in it. I was intrigued by its logic. However I’ve never really had time to get more involved in maths and possibly discover a passion for it. I also enjoyed geography as it made me dream about traveling the world and appreciating nature and different cultures firsthand. However my first geography teacher was so strict that it was at the age of 10 when I first made up a headache story to avoid attending her lesson and to go home early. I was terrified informing her about it as I couldn’t predict her reaction. She must have liked me as she let me go and everyone else envied me :)

So the dream to have my own homely and cosy B&B could have come true as the recipe or formula for it was there: maths and its logical thinking + geography + traveling + foreign languages. Only if I wasn’t discouraged, made confused, only if I didn’t waste time on studying subjects I was not interested in at all. And to run a “B&B” do you really need a degree? Instead of wasting time on studying things I didn’t like I could have been working supposedly in a “degrading” but enjoyable profession and saving up for my dream simple life.

  

However, everything is from the Qadar of Allah (a predestination) so this is what was written for me for a reason. Now I need to learn a lesson from it and try to give my kids a better start in sha Allah (God willing).

I’m still recovering after almost 20 years in the educational system.

Writing about it, sharing my experiences is a form of therapy for me.

(The Ministry of Education should pay me a compensation for all damage they caused me, what do you think?) :D

PS. Now think, have you managed to get your master degree? Was it out of passion or was it an accomplishment just for the sake of accomplishment and you don’t even work in your profession? How many of us end up like that? Or how often our passions are not even related to what we’ve been studying? What do you want for your own children? 

Something to ponder upon...